Be Mine. (someday)

Looking ahead to a new year with new dreams.

Usually at this time of the year, I would take the time to reflect and share my major accomplishments, failures, and emotions of the past year. While there have been a fair share of all of those in my life this year, I instead want to do this a little differently this year. I love to reflect back, but I am at a point right now where I am really focused on looking forward. With that, I would like to share with you what is ahead for Curtis in 2012.

Laugh at Life

I am obviously allergic to something, but with no insurance, just going to have to wait this one out. In the meantime, I think I look ridiculously hilarious. You gotta laugh at life.

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Farewell

I keep asking myself why my reaction has been so extreme. Years of this game has left me accustomed to this sort of outcome. And this certainly was not a complex case. Every red flag was raised early and raised high. Everything my gut would normally tell me to avoid was present and accounted for. When ignoring my instincts in the past, I have always at the very least cached an acknowledgement that they existed. This time around, I not only catapulted instinct and gut feeling to the side, but I completely annihilated them from my system. Somehow by just accepting the divergence from my self-assumed previous sanity, I

My Four Best Friends. Thanks.

As I sit here on a lonely Thanksgiving night, I can't help but reflect on all the wonderful things in my life. I have noticed in my life that no matter my situation, I am blessed with great people in my life. In the past, I have expressed my gratitude for my friends around the world. I have truly been fortunate in the last several years to have grown close to some incredible people. Whether it was at college, in Florida, or in Michigan, I have been able to obtain a network of good friends who I consider family. But tonight I wish to reflect on just four friends. Four friends who I overlook far too often. These are my four bet friends. And tonight, I owe thanks to them.

A Reason.

I was recently giving a new friend the retelling of my short-lived homeless days. I was explaining how while I was living out of my car, I began a strange new habit. I began leaving a minimum of 50% gratuity when eating out (which was rare while homeless, but the habit continued after I found a place to live). Why, when I couldn't even afford a roof over my head, would I be giving the little money I had away so irresponsibly? Because in my time of need, people stepped in and helped me. Offering me food, couches to sleep on, showers to use, and so much more. I had never experienced so much selfless giving. So I felt it my responsibility to pay it forward. In our darkest moments, we sometimes learn our most valuable lessons.

The last few months have been hard on me. My closest friends and family all already know this. Good fortune has not really been on my side and all aspects of my life have been struggling. Defeat from the world has left me crushed and searching for what I want out of life. It has lead me down a road of internal conversation that I would not have taken if I had been blessed with success the last several months.

I know there was a reason for this. First of all, I have come out of the darkness still standing. Bruised and hurt? Yes. But I am still standing tall. But more importantly, I have learned more about what it is to live. I have a better understanding of how to take control of my life and my attitude even in the most depressing of circumstances. I haven't stopped fighting for even a day and while it seemed this fight was a waste, it was truly a victory for me as a person.

I have not made it completely out of the trenches yet, but in the last 3 or 4 weeks, my entire situation has turned around. When all hope was lost, a multitude of miracles lined up quickly in a row. Call it fate. Call it God. Call it luck. 4 weeks ago I was lonely, financially ruined, spiritually struggling, and creatively dead. Today I can give an opposite description of my life. And I am more happy than I have been in several months.

There is always a reason for our struggles.

The strength of 4 years.

This week marks four years since I made the life-altering decision to come out to my closest friends. It took over a year to completely come out to my family, but the journey of coming out began in September of 2007. I can remember the emotions as if it happened yesterday. That was such an exciting, yet terrifying moment of time in my life.